I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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