so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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