my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
