omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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