remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
