My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
