i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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