glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
