I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
