just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I need water and some morals
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