His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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