That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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