apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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