She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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