I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
