I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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