Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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