Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
