I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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