You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
