His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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