I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
