The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
