i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
