Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I fill condoms, not promises.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
