she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
