I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
