My nipple is on Facebook.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
