My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
