Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
