i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
