I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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