gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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