Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
