with your own penis?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
God, I missed his penis.
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