Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
