U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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