i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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