if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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