Your face is a jimmy john
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
