My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
