I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
