Screwed.edu
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We are two peas in an std pod
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
