last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
In America we eat man semen.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Is Oprah even human
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
