Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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