Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
