Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Randomize
