Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
