I wish i was in the wii world.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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