he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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