Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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