I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
