I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
