You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
