I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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