someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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