Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
