lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm always down for nudity.
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