i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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