Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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