My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i think im in europe. pls send help
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
