as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Your dad touched me again.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
