just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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