when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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