She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
