found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
God I need to hump something, right now.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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