Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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