the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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